Cats like rats and snakes like cake

Today I helped Sophie* write a poem about cats.  It wasn’t a very good poem, but when English is your second language and you are still in Grade 7 at age 16, it was an accomplishment.  But that pales in comparison to what she accomplishes each and every day of her short life, things no 16 year old should have to accomplish.

Sophie is the head of her household.  After her father died, her mother found a new boyfriend who wants to marry her.  Problem is, he doesn’t want her children, he wants to start a new family without the 4 children she had with another man.  So Sophie’s mom ran away to the city with her new boyfriend and left her old life behind.  Left her children behind.  Sophie is 16 and takes care of her 15 year old brother, 8 year old brother, and 7 year old sister.  For awhile, she dropped out of school and learned how to “do hair” so she could make money to buy food for her brothers and sister.  But this year she decided that the only way she could have a future was to finish school.  So in January she went back to school, and for a time, she felt like a child again.  Until 2 weeks ago when she was raped by some neighborhood boys.  Now she is afraid even in her own house.  They are circling, knowing she is vulnerable, knowing there is no adult around to protect her.

Sophie has gone to Social Services to try and get a Child Welfare grant to help feed her family so she can stay in school, but they tell her she can’t apply because she is under 18 and she still has a mom.  Sophie called her mom and begged her to help, to at least take the little ones, ages 7 and 8.  “I can take care of myself but the little ones need you, they miss you and cry for you.”  Mom says she can’t because she doesn’t have a job and “the new husband won’t marry me if I take them”.  Sophie calls her grandma for help and grandma tells her to leave her mom alone because she is young and deserves the right to have a new life, that she shouldn’t have to end up like Sophie struggling to take care of children when you don’t have a job.

How do you respond when a child tells you these things?  How do you not show the horror on your face as you comprehend how a mother and a grandmother could say these things to a child?  How CAN a mother and grandmother say these things to a child?  How do you not love your own children and walk away?  How do you feel you have a “right” to do so when it was your choices that brought these human beings into the world?  How can someone not love any child, let alone your own?  I don’t know these 4 children and yet I love them and I ache for the rejection and despair they feel.

When I met Sophie, she only had 2 days worth of food in the house for the family.  I can’t imagine the pressure she must face each day, how do I feed my family, how do I keep them in school, how do I stay in school, how do I face these neighborhood boys who have raped me and who wait for another chance?  At 16, my biggest stressor was having pimples on school photo day and hair that hung limply instead of Farrah-feathering.

At 16, Sophie goes to her brother and sister’s school and finds a teacher to help get a grant from the school so they can finish out this school year.  At 16, she goes to the police department and convinces them to do a check on her house 2 times a night so the neighborhood boys see that someone is watching her and she is not as vulnerable as they think.  At 16, she asks me to help her find someone to fix the leaking roof and put bars on the front door so the boys can’t get in.  At 16, she asks me to help think of a job that she can do to earn money for food but still be able to stay in school.

At 16, she is showing me her Grade 7 school progress report and smiling as she points to the grades in her classes.  She calls me to say, “I just wanted to tell you that I got my report today and I have passed all my classes”.  There is no one to tell her good news to, no one to be proud of her.  I don’t know how to help her, but I can do at least that, BE at least that.  She scored average in all her classes, except she has earned Merit in Life Skills.  I should say so.  She is off the charts in that class. 

Why do I share this?  To ask for prayers, to ask for help, to express my helplessness, to vent my outrage at the mother, to tame my judgmental attitude as I have no idea the road that mother has walked, to gain perspective as I have been complaining about my own cockroach-infested life, to try to paint a picture of the reality of the lives these children face.  I started this nonprofit PLAY to change the lives of children, to equip and empower them for a more positive future, to create change in their communities so South Africa would have a more positive future.  

I still believe this is possible.  I see the strength of children like Sophie, determined to overcome such staggering odds against them, and I know that children are the answer, they are the hope.  This is not to say that all responsibility should be heaped onto the children.  My strongest desire is that children be allowed to be children.    That is why the name of my nonprofit is PLAY!  

I have conquered this mountain, I can conquer anything!

Children should be allowed to play, but they also need to know they are loved, special, unique, valuable and on this planet for a reason (P=Purpose).  And through leadership and adventure activities (LA= Leadership Adventure) they gain confidence to believe in themselves, something which the adults in their lives might not be instilling in them. Children (Y=Youth) are the future of any country.  


In South Africa, the youth are special beyond description.  I might be biased.  But you are welcome to come over here and find out for yourself… 

*Sophie is not her real name.  Please write to me at Lisa.playorg@gmail.com if you want to help Sophie.